On Now
Wow, it's so easy to lose yourself in work, and stress, and plans, and fears. I can't believe I made it this far. This is the time in my life I had thought about for all my life as The Time. The Time to be an adult, a grown up, a Real person. Well, here it is and I've sort of forgotten how to just Be. I feel now like the past year or so has kind of been a stuck phase. I've been stuck in a whirlwind of internships, studying, jobs and new responsibilities. Holy cow, can I just say it? I'm 24 years old, I'm engaged to the most wonderful, loving and invested person I could have ever imagined I'd be with. I have a nice home, a lucrative career, a Masters and Bachelors degree and I am a licensed Occupational Therapist and a job I love. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the day to day, the responsibilities of adulthood and the natural stress and anxiety that comes with trying to keep a reasonable life and relationship together.
The other day I was trapped back in thought to when I was a kid, and by kid, I mean a high schooler. The days when I was really mindful of what was happening in the moment. When I lived for thrills with my friends and just enjoyed what was going on right in front of me. This, this feeling of presence, doesn't make it's way into my being nearly as often as it once did. It is no longer the default, but thankfully, I can still get into that mode every once in a while, remember what it was like to be truly present and carefree.
Don't get me wrong, adulthood is wonderful. It is rewarding and feels really good. But I am finally at that point that distinguishes me Different than where I was before. I feel like I have a different point of view and can really be thankful for the times before this. I hope, that when I have kids of my own, I can really be present with them, as they are for themselves, without effort.
Anyway, I was just listening to a song I used to listen to often my freshman year of college. I was flooded with the feelings I had back then, of awe and wonder, of freedom and peace. I spent a lot of time alone, listening to music and blundering around on my unicycle through campus. I spent a lot of time with my best friend, making short "movies", laughing and just doing strange things. School was fairly easy, I got to go to class and learn all sort of new things in new ways, and I just sort of got to know myself. I hope that this time in my life, when I look back on it in 5-10 years, will be a time that I can reminisce about. I hope it will be a time I can remember that every so often, I don't have to focus on the future, that I can just sit, and experience my Now.
The other day I was trapped back in thought to when I was a kid, and by kid, I mean a high schooler. The days when I was really mindful of what was happening in the moment. When I lived for thrills with my friends and just enjoyed what was going on right in front of me. This, this feeling of presence, doesn't make it's way into my being nearly as often as it once did. It is no longer the default, but thankfully, I can still get into that mode every once in a while, remember what it was like to be truly present and carefree.
Don't get me wrong, adulthood is wonderful. It is rewarding and feels really good. But I am finally at that point that distinguishes me Different than where I was before. I feel like I have a different point of view and can really be thankful for the times before this. I hope, that when I have kids of my own, I can really be present with them, as they are for themselves, without effort.
Anyway, I was just listening to a song I used to listen to often my freshman year of college. I was flooded with the feelings I had back then, of awe and wonder, of freedom and peace. I spent a lot of time alone, listening to music and blundering around on my unicycle through campus. I spent a lot of time with my best friend, making short "movies", laughing and just doing strange things. School was fairly easy, I got to go to class and learn all sort of new things in new ways, and I just sort of got to know myself. I hope that this time in my life, when I look back on it in 5-10 years, will be a time that I can reminisce about. I hope it will be a time I can remember that every so often, I don't have to focus on the future, that I can just sit, and experience my Now.
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